Today was absolutely a lowlife moment. I'm feeling sick as hell, haven't heard from my boyfriend in 5 days now.. had another fight during diner with my family, and to finish the lovely day my grandma started to whine about me going offline when she came online. Like: ???? She never spoke to me when I was online, because she was always talking to my mom, and all of the sudden I ignored her... ??? Everybody of my family thinks negative about me these days. And I didn't even do anything!

I know why my grandma is reacting like that. She probably talked to my mother for hours about how I've changed, and how difficult to handle I became, or something shitty like that. I'm sorry grann, but I really think I'm adopted or something like that. So maybe that's why. Besides I'm evil right? Insane, loco, lunatic. Well: What the hack?

The fact that my head is exploding, my stomach is twisted, my whole body hurts and that I haven't heard from him, is not helping either.

I just got out of the shower, and that's when my whole lowlife day ended perfect. I really was suicidal for a second. I wanted to jump out of the window or something like that, but I thought that's probably only going to give me a broken leg and a lot of trouble afterwards. Then I thought about crossing the road, just before a truck passed by. Well that's a shame for the driver, I didn't want to give him/her a guilty feeling or something like that. Then I came up with the idea of taking an overdose. Well that's not an option either, I didn't have any pills. The only thing I could come up with was just burning myself. Well that ended out wrong. I turned the shower at the max. heat, and it only burned my back and shoulders. Ow I totally forgot to mention the cutting your wrist option. Well I don't do that anymore. Besides, I didn't really wanted to die, I just wanted to hurt myself pretty bad or something.. To feel something that I know for sure is real.

Well anyway. Lowlife moment is over. I ended up with a burned back, a broken heart and no family. I really just want to get out of here. I also decided I don't want to celebrate my 18th B'day. Just for friends. No family. The whole year they are ignoring me, pretending that they care and this one day they all act like they love you all of a sudden. Well I don't need that bullshit. So that's why I'll celebrate it just with my friends. I just wish my boyfriend was there to. I miss him so much...